Friday, April 8, 2011

"things will work out"

Are you ready for some news?

I graduate from college...

*drumroll please*

May 13th, 2011!

I would classify this as "good" news, but that might be slightly more optimistic than I am feeling at the moment.

The truth is...I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. And it

I applied to grad school for the fall semester, but I already know for sure that I didn't get in to one program, and the other program put me on a list of alternates in case someone drops out.

Not the best self-esteem boost I've ever had in my life.

The overwhelming part? I feel like this not-knowing is a theme for my life right now. There are so many decisions to be made and so many unknowns. And sometimes I just feel like I want to crawl under a table and cry or go back in time and be seven years old again so I don't have to make life-changing, life-altering decisions.

Like I do now.

I feel like my whole body is just wracked with confusion sometimes. Like every single cell in my body is just as confused as my brain and my heart are.

But as confused as I am...

I know that I have a very loving Heavenly Father who cares about His very confused daughter. And I know that He won't let me make horrible decisions because He knows that I'm trying to do the right thing and make the right decisions. That I want to do His will and make my life turn out as wonderfully as He envisions it to be.

Really that's what all this not-knowing comes down to. Having faith in Him. Because I feel like that's what I'm surviving on these days. I try to do all I can, but at the end of the day, it just isn't enough. I need Him to make up the difference. And He will. He always has in the past, and He always will.

There are so many times when I've looked back on my life and been so grateful that it didn't turn out the way that I wanted it to at the time. I'm sure it will be that way five, ten, fifty years down the road when I look back at this moment. I'll be grateful that Heavenly Father was in control and not me. Because unlike me, He can see the end from the beginning, whereas I see things only from my very limited perspective.

As said by a man with more faith than I could ever hope to have:

"Things will work out." -President Gordon B. Hinckley

And so they will.

p.s. As I was typing the title of this blog, I accidentally typed "things will 'wok' out." And that made me giggle and feel infinitely better. Tender mercies, kids.


Jeannie said...

Oh, my sweet Katie, how I wish you were here so I could give you a hug and a shoulder to lean on. You know in your heart that those who love you have been through times of confusion as well. I also know that this is just a part of life; a detour; a bump in the road on the way to your future. Only God knows what lies ahead for you but He will lead you according to His plan - not necessarily yours. Take this time to clear your mind, open your heart and drink in the journey you will take. We celebrate your accomplishments and pray that God will give you peace in heart and mind. We love you. Jeannie

Cait and TJ Canann said...

Oh Sparky, how I can empathize with you on this issue. Graduation was scary for me too. And I am also trying to figure this out for the future. I completely understand. Just know that I love you and I know that you are going to be great in whatever you pursue. TJ and I will always be here for you! Love you!

Alexis Kaye said...

Awh! I'm sorry sweetie! I definitely have been there. I've found the best thing for me is to stop worrying, step back, and make decisions based on how I feel. Or you could try deciding what YOU want (not trying to figure out what is best) and moving forward with it. But I agree, those big decisions are so hard. Just really pay attention to how you feel. If you need a temple buddy, let me know! :) You can do this!