Thursday, June 10, 2010


I thought about naming this post "The Most Random Night of my Life," or "Mom Was Right About Talking to Strangers," or simply "I Hate Bugs," but I just felt like none of them gave last night any justice.

"Let me explain. No there is too much. Let me sum up."

Baaasically, it all started out with a cockroach in Katie's and my bedroom. When Katie saw the little demon creature made by God, she screamed. Then when I realized what she was screaming about, I screamed and we both ran squealing down the stairs. Then my roommate Chantal wanted to help us kill it, and we tried to decide between us who was the bravest, but alas…none of us proved to be of a brave heart. Let me put the rest in bullet point form:

- We attempted spraying the cockroach from 5 feet away so we could stay as far away from it as humanly [or bugly] possible.
- Heard it making noise in the bag and screamed.
- Called all boys we could possibly think of and FINALLY got ahold of Jared Pager.
- He said he’d be there in twenty minutes and joked that he’d bring scorpions.
- I told him I’d kill him.
- Went back to our room five minutes later and discovered that the cockroach was gone.
- Screamed some more.
- Eventually found it under my dresser dying.
- Sprayed it some more.
- Realized it was finally dead and were too scared to pick it up to throw it away.
- Jared arrived and removed the cockroach from the scene.

This is where it gets even more interesting:

- While Katie was outside throwing away the “cockroach bag,” a woman ran up to her and asked to use our restroom.
- Katie was so taken aback that she said yes.
- This woman ran ahead of Katie, opened our front door [much to Chantal, Jared's, and my surprise], and ran up our stairs.
- We got an incredibly shocking view of this woman’s body from this upward angle.
- She wasn’t wearing very many articles of clothing…and what she did have on was…extremely revealing.
- She turned around most of the way up the stairs to ask where our bathroom was. (?!?!?!)
- She stayed in there for a few minutes, and then came out and said, “Nice house,” and left.
- We checked to make sure she hadn’t stolen anything,
- And appropriately named her “the Hooker.” Believe me, she fit the part.
- Interestingly, there were “track marks” in her arms from too many needle drugs…prohhhbably not the prescription kind. If I had to make a guess.
- We didn’t find any drugs hidden inside our toilet.
- Or behind our shower curtain.

Third strange occurrence for the night:

- Our front door handle broke. So we were locked inside and had to take the door handle apart. At 1:00 in the morning. Thanks, Cockroach. Thanks, Hooker.

What an eventful night. Here is what I have learned:

- I am a sissy. [Cait says I should have figured this out from the Litterbug post.]
- My roommates are sissies. [But not as much as me. Maaaybe I should have mentioned that when I said "we" sprayed the bug, what I really meant was "they" sprayed the bug.]
- Don’t let strangers in your house…especially at night when they look like they’re druggies and/or hookers. [Just say no.]
- I could be a handyman. [Except for the fact that my roommates did all that work, too.]
- I am tired. [But I wasn't too tired to go get slushies from QT at midnight with Katie and Chantal. We needed comfort food.]

And, last but not least:

- I have awesome roommates. We have a ton of fun in weird situations. [Even cockroach-infested, full-bladdered-hooker, broken-doorknob situations.]

Lots of laughing ensued after (and even during) all this craziness.

Good times.


Cait the Great said...

Just to clarify: I didn't call you a sissy. I simply pointed out that I knew you were afraid of bugs because you had previously mentioned it in another blog post. Also, I wish I was there to squash bugs for you. I'm not afraid of bugs and I'm sure I'll get along fine with the spiders in my cupboard under the stairs.

Chantal said...

Dearest roomie Katie the Younger:
This post brings a smile to my face, (and still makes my skin crawl a little)... What lessons we learned from this epic night, indeed! Love you xxx

katielizabethawkes said...

I giggled profusely at this. Especially the part about seeing our friend Lolo Candypants from the upward angle. Yikes. Love, Katie the Elder (apparently. I sound like i should be on lord of the rings)