our story [part 5]

Read Part 4 here.

The next night, Tim and his roommates were hosting an Open Mic Night at their house, so my roommates and I all carpooled over there together.  

I had gotten another letter today, but for some reason, instead of feeling happy about it, I just felt depressed. 

When we got to their house, it was already teeming with people, so I tried to just push aside my confusing feelings and have a good time.  I noticed immediately that Tim looked really good in an untucked white collared shirt and tattered jeans.  Where did that thought come from? I thought.  

Tim was busy recording the whole thing, so I talked to Katie for a little while.  But when Katie got up to sing, I sat by myself and sunk deeper into my inexplicable depression.  When she was done singing, she told me that Meghan and Chantal (our other roommates) had been encouraging her to date Tim.  My heart sunk even further.

Suddenly I knew where all of these confusing feelings were stemming from.

I was starting to like Tim.  And I didn’t even want to.

Immediately I realized it was futile to pretend to be bubbly and happy any longer.  I just sat on the couch and decided instead to work on pretending that I wasn’t sad.  While still untrue, it seemed far more attainable a goal.

Tim’s band got up to play towards the end of the night, and I mostly tried to avoid looking at him.  He looked too good playing his guitar and singing in his tattered blue jeans.  I briefly considered attempting to hate him, but as soon as they were done playing, he set down his guitar and made his way over to the couch where I was sitting.  He turned his undivided attention to me and started teasing me about something.  Hating Tim became the last thing on my mind as suddenly I felt happier than I had in hours.

When I got home that night, I knew that I could no longer put my inklings about dating again on the backburner.  I had to know for sure if dating again was what the God wanted me to do, so I decided to fast about it on Sunday, completely confident that Heavenly Father would let me know one way or the other.



Continue on to Part 6.