Monday, November 24, 2014

remembering my miscarriage

[If you hadn't heard that I'd had a miscarriage, you can click here.]

I found out I was pregnant on September 15th. I was due May 24th. And I miscarried on Halloween.

I don't want to dwell on this forever.

I'll probably never stop thinking about it completely, but I also don't want to talk about it day in and day out.

But.

There are a few things I'd like to remember.

Like this video of Tim finding out I was pregnant.  I told him that someone had left this box on our porch, and that I'd wanted to wait until he got home to open it.

video

It was a perfect moment in time.  I'm so grateful that I caught it on video.  He was so surprised and so happy.  And so was I.

Or the time Tim told his parents while we were all visiting his sister's house.  Tim was asked to say the prayer at the end of the night, and at the very end, he threw in, "And we're so grateful for the little baby growing in Katie's tummy."  They were all so excited.

Or the way I told my family.  I got a few M&M packets and attached this little note (with a few variations):


I sent some in the mail to my grandma, aunt, and uncle in California, and timed it so that they would receive the envelope the same day we arrived in Arizona to tell my family.  It was perfect.  Everyone was so happy.

Sometimes Ellie still points and my stomach and says, "Baby."  And it will be true again someday.

Whether I meet you in this life or the next, little one, you were loved.  You are loved.  And you won't ever be forgotten.

1 comment:

Chef Tess said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, but so thankful for your unwavering spirit of gratitude. Love you so much sweet gal!