you're gonna miss this

Ever since I was a little girl, bad things have happened to me when I don't get enough sleep.

I get tired.  [#obviously]

I get emotional.

I get sick to my stomach.

And sometimes just sick in general.

Then puberty hit and you can imagine what happened.  [#magnifiedby1,000]

And if I'm at all stressed, everything is magnified once again by 2,567.

Keep all of those factors in mind whilst I tell you:

I had a nervous breakdown of sorts yesterday.

I was tired, emotional, sick to my stomach, and feeling the beginning symptoms of a cold.  Then I found out that we wouldn't be able to move into our apartment until August 5th.  [Oh yeah, you know.  The same August 5th as our wedding day.]  That was the straw that broke the camel's back.  [I was tempted to throw in something about a needle and a haystack - e.g., that was the needle from the haystack that broke the camel's back - but I'm pretty sure that's a completely different metaphor.]  That opened the floodgates which I have had trouble closing ever since.

I felt totally overwhelmed, which I am completely positive came across through our cell phones.  Tim tried to calm me down, reassuring me that even if we didn't know how things were going to work out, that they would work out.

Later that day, Tim came over to my house to pick me up so we could buy some ingredients for dinner.  He explained to me that he had called his family and [with all of their help] figured out a way to make our apartment/moving situation work.  [Did I mention that we'll be living in a month-to-month apartment while we continue looking for a house?  Oh.  Well.  We will.]  Then he started telling me about a country song he heard on the radio about how eventually you're going to miss the situation you're in now.  I knew immediately which song he was referring to.

You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days

Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this

As I thought about the familiar lyrics, I remembered how willing Tim's family had been to help us move.  I remembered the bridal shower my sweet coworkers had thrown earlier that day and how generous every one had been.  I remembered my bachelorette party and all of my sweet friends there.  I remembered how much work my family and friends are doing to prepare for our wedding.  I remembered Tim and his constant willingness to do whatever he can to make sure I'm not stressed.

And suddenly I felt very selfish.

Then I thought, "You probably really are going to miss all of this."

It was one of those proverbial slap-in-the-face moments.

That realization hasn't fixed everything.  I still feel totally overwhelmed.  I still feel emotional.  I still feel tired.  And I still feel a little sick.

But I am trying to enjoy the moment.  And I'm trying to be less selfish.

Because you know what?  These are some good times and I really am gonna miss this.

And heck, I get to marry my best friend in 8 days.

I am so very blessed.

the marriage license

A couple of weeks ago, Tim and I decided to go get our marriage license.

We had no idea, but this...was quite the process.  For a few reasons.  Let me enumerate:

1. I don't know if this is true everywhere, but in Mesa, the Maricopa county clerk's office was absurdly hard to find.  That or Tim and I are just directionally challenged.  But given a choice, I would prefer the former.

2.  The security to get in the building is like unto that of an airport.  You know - x-ray machines, security wands - the works.  [Just a little tip: when they are about to scan you with the wand and say, "Put your arms up," they don't mean straight up.  And when they tell you to turn around, they probably don't mean the full 360 degrees.  And if you do either of those things, you might get called a "troublemaker."  Just hypothetically speaking, of course.]

3.  After you finally get through all the security, you get sent back to a little office where you fill out some paperwork.  Strangely, this is one of the parts where they don't make it difficult to get your license.  They only ask for the very basics: name, social security number, and address.  The "quite the process" part came in afterward:

Clerk:  Raise your right hands.

Me:  ....Really?

Clerk: *raises eyebrows* Yes.

Tim: *tries not to laugh*

Me:  Oh, uh, ok.

Clerk: Do you swear that all of the information you have given me is true and correct?

To be honest, I'm still not sure if she was just joking.  But either way, we still raised our right hands and made it look darned official.  And somehow, she knew we were LDS.  I'm still not sure about that part either.  [Probably because we were young.  And smiley and kinda hyper.  #itwasearlyinthemorningok?]

What the official!

p.s.  This post is mostly dedicated to Jeff and Emma Jo Yeager, whose marriage-license-picture inspired the above marriage-license-picture.  And without the above marriage-license-picture, I probably wouldn't have written this post.  And you would have never heard the marriage-license-picture story.  And we all know that would have been a great misfortune.  Because who doesn't love a good marriage-license-picture story?

cow appreciation day

Did you hear about the "Cow Appreciation Day" at Chick-fil-A a couple of weeks ago?

Great idea.  Fantastic, really.

The idea?  Wear a cow costume, get a free meal.

I know they've been doing this for awhile [though just how long, I'm not entirely certain], but I didn't hear about it until recently.  But when I did hear about it, it was as if the heavens parted and an angelic chorus began singing triumphant praises.

Ok that may be taking things a bit too far.

Nevertheless, there is nothing that calls my name quite like "free food."

And when I talked to Tim about it, he was more than willing to join me.  [Like I would really do it by myself.] [On second thought, you never know.]

This picture may be a little blurry [#thanksalotTim] [#justkiddingloveyou], but it makes me giggle profusely.  Sitting there all by myself, dressed like a cow.  Just an ordinary day.

Don't let his blasé look confuse you - Tim loves Chick-fil-A almost as much as I do.  [And he probably loves free Chick-fil-A more than I do.  It is difficult for one to measure such things.]

This was taken by a couple sitting behind us.  They were both giggling at us, and asked in astonishment, "So you dressed up like a cow and they gave you a free meal?"  

They actually paid for their meals.  Suckers.

I have never appreciated cows so much.

[Or chickens, for that matter.  But we won't talk about that.]

the nails that were fake

This:

is proof that I am not very good at saying "no."

Or perhaps in this case, that I am not very good at saying "yes."

Let me explain.

When I was in high school, I decided that I wanted fake nails for my wedding.  I thought they were too ridiculously expensive [for my measly budget] to have on any other occasion.

So I waited.  [Very patiently, might I add.]

Fast forward: I am getting married.  This means I will be having a wedding.

Do you see where this is going?

That's right.

I got my nails done yesterday.  I had pictures today, so I got my nails done yesterday.

Eh, Pacha?

And here we are, back to the point of all this nonsensical rambling: the fact that I can't say no.  Or in this case, that I couldn't say yes.

After the very-nice-Asian-man-whose-accent-I-couldn't-entirely-understand cut down the tips, he asked if I wanted them shorter.

I replied that I did.

He cut them shorter.

Then he started filing.

There was only one problem: I still wanted them even shorter.

But he had already started filing.  And he seemed like such a nice man.  And I didn't want him to have to start all over again with the filing.  And, you know, maybe I didn't really need them to be all that short anyway.  I could probably enjoy them this length.  I mean, they still looked good, right?

The man must have noticed me staring intently at my nails, because he said, mid-file, "Oh no, you want them shorter, don't you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do," I thought.  "No," I said.

"Whaaaa?" I thought.

And there you have it, my friends.  How I came to have much longer nails than I had so long envisioned.  [Ok, so they're not really that long...right?  Comfort me here, people.  I don't look like the Wicked Witch of the West now, do I???]

And now we've finally come full circle - back to the point.  Usually my problem is that I can't say no to people, because I am a major people pleaser, people.  I just would rather see someone looking happy than someone looking sad.  Even if I'm paying that someone to, oh, you know, put acrylics on my nails, or something.  [Hypothetically speaking, of course.]  And instead, this time, I said no when I actually wanted to say yes.  [Confused?  So am I.]

Moral of the story?  Sometimes it's ok to say no.

[Another] moral of the story?  Sometimes it's ok to say yes.

[Not really a] moral of the story?  I will probably continue to do things simply because I think it makes someone else happy.  All of this nonsensical rambling soul-searching probably won't change any of that.

p.s.  I would just like to give a shout-out to Tim, who sat right there in that nail salon with me the entire time I was getting my nails done.  And only laughed a few times - but mostly when my feet were being scrubbed with that, er, whatever-that-thing-is-that-gets-dead-skin-off-your-feet, and I couldn't stop giggling.  [It's ok, everyone else was laughing at me, too.]

p.p.s. If you don't like kissing pictures, you probably shouldn't look at that picture.

p^3.s.  Oops, too late.

a glimpse of heaven

As you might have read from the last post, I had the privilege of going through the Mesa LDS Temple on Friday.

Courtesy of Holdsworth Photography

It was beautiful.  Stunning.  Inspiring.  Incredible.  Spiritual.

And most of all, it was humbling.

Humbling because I felt so grateful to be able to enter the House of the Lord, as imperfect as I am.  And humbling because I have so much to learn.  It was similar to my college experience: I learned how much I don't know.  And that's absolutely fine with me.

The temple is so peaceful.  So perfect.  So serene.

Everyone there is so kind and helpful.

The Spirit I felt changed me for a lifetime.

I'd always heard the same strange things about the temple that everyone else has heard.  But it honestly was the most perfect thing I have ever witnessed or been a part of.  Nothing to be scared of or nervous about.

My brother, Jeff, was able to go through on the same day as me.  Every time I think about that blessing, it makes me cry a little bit.  My parents drove down for the special occasion.  Two of my best friends were able to come.  Tim's parents were able to attend.  And having Tim there made me cry a little bit, too.  [I may have cried a lot that day.]  The love I felt emanating from all of them made me so grateful for our Heavenly Father's plan for all of us.  That death is not the end.  That life continues beyond the grave and that we can be with our families in heaven.

More than anywhere else I have ever been, the temple gave me a little glimpse of heaven.

Yes, I feel like a lucky, lucky girl.

i love to see the temple

I feel like I have 1,024 things to update you on.

Like how Tim and I dressed up as cows on Friday.  [More details to come.  Be excited.]

Or how we got our marriage license this morning and how I tried really hard not to be gullible.  [Sneaky sneaky, Clerk.]

Or how we got our engagement pictures back yesterday!  [Ashtyn you da you da bessst.]

Or how we're gonna send out our announcements at the end of this week.  [Keep your fingers crossed!]

Or how we talked to our stake president [religious leader] on Sunday.

Or 1,019 other things.

And I will tell you about those things, I promise.  [Like you could even get out of it.]

But really, right now I just want to tell you the reason why we talked to our stake president last Sunday.

On Friday, I am going to this place:

Courtesy of Holdsworth Photography

I have been waiting to go there my whole life.  And now that it's finally happening, it all feels so surreal.

More than anything, I feel grateful.  Grateful that I am going to be able to enter the House of the Lord.  Grateful that loved ones will be there with me.

And most of all, grateful that Heavenly Father has provided a way for all of us to return back to live with Him someday.

I love to see the temple.
I’m going there someday
To feel the Holy Spirit,
To listen and to pray.
For the temple is a house of God,
A place of love and beauty.
I’ll prepare myself while I am young;
This is my sacred duty.

I love to see the temple.

I’ll go inside someday.
I’ll cov’nant with my Father;
I’ll promise to obey.
For the temple is a holy place
Where we are sealed together.
As a child of God, I’ve learned this truth:
A fam’ly is forever.

guest posting

So I was thinking about doing something similar to what my lovely friend Alexis did when she got married:

Have guest posters while I'm on my honeymoon.  [cough*HAWAII*cough]

Now if you think that this is a little too hip for me...you're absolutely right.

I'm not a very hip blogger.

One step at a time, my friends.

Ok, some deets: I will have opportunities for guest posting August 5th through August 12th.  [That's a pretty long time, I know.  And I might not be able to fill all those spots, I realize.  But.  If I could, that would be pretty fantastic.]

Obviously, I would need your posts before then, but...we can come up with some sort of deadline later.

But first, are any of you interested in guest posting?  We don't have to know each other very well.  Or at all.  [As long as you're not crazy.  Or a rapist.  Or a murder.  Or a stalker.  Or any combination of the aforementioned things.  If you are, kindly get off my blog.]  I would love to get to know all of you a whole lot better!  And really, even if this is your first time to my blog, but you feel so inclined, please feel free to chime in.

You can email me at: kaitlyn.sparks.1@asu.edu.

So...who's in?

giggle fests

Today I was looking through the pictures on my phone and I realized that at least 90% of the pictures of Tim are of him being goofy.  [Or he's smiling normally but his eyes are closed.]  Which doesn't bother me a bit, because I love to giggle.  And looking at those pictures definitely makes me giggle.

Here are some examples.

I don't know what he's doing in this picture, but I do know that it makes me giggle.

Piggy-back ride for the nieces?  Check.

Cheesy smiles?  Check.

This one makes me giggle profusely.  Don't judge.

Sometimes he just gets a little hungry [but I am a good cook...really........].

And I would say this is his most common look.  And I am totally ok with that.  [It looks like a "sleepy" look or a "high" look, but really it's just a "normal" look.]

Thank you, Tim, for letting me put incriminating pictures on the internet, for putting up with my giggle fests, and for causing most of them.

the luckiest

I know, I know...I have been a very bad blogger lately.

Please forgive me.

This whole month-and-a-half of wedding planning [now less than a month!] is keeping me quite busy, I must say.

Plus, Tim and I went to California for the Fourth of July with mi familia to visit my grandma and my aunt.  Which was mucho fun-o.  [Thanks for asking.]  We ate food, watched fireworks, enjoyed episodes of The Twilight Zone [I'd never seen it, and hi, why had no one ever told me to watch it before?!], ate more food, went shopping, ate food again, and mostly just enjoyed each other's company.  [Obviously food is a major theme in my family.  No complaints here.]

My wedding dress is currently being altered, and can I just say...there are few things that I have ever loved as much as this dress.  [Material things, not people, duh.]  My ring is high up on that list, along with my stuffed animal, Blueberry.  [Don't judge.]  I wish I could adequately explain how beautiful it is, but I guess you'll see it soon enough.  [#pictureoverload]

Between bridal showers, a bachelorette party, pre-wedding pictures [I didn't really want him to see me in my dress before the wedding, but really, it just made the most sense. #mesaisreallyhotinaugust], sending out announcements, receiving my endowment [#soexcited], booking our honeymoon [we're going to Hawaii!  whaaat!  and my roommate just informed me that that's where Cory and Topanga went on their honeymoon, and that makes it 1,000 times better], and just general wedding planning, my free time is extremely limited.  But I am loving every second of it.

When I get stressed or overwhelmed, I need only to look at Tim to remember why this is worth it.  He smiles at me and it is completely apparent that he loves me [and then I feel like the luckiest girl in the world].  He calms me down when I want to cry and takes over responsibilities that I don't want [and doesn't even complain like I sometimes do].  He gets excited and says he can't wait to spend the rest of forever with me [even if later in life we both gain some weight and a few wrinkles].

Yes, I am a very, very lucky girl.

machine model

Today I just wanted to give a little shout out to Machine Model.

Oh...what?  What's that?  You mean you haven't heard of them?

...that's ok.  But seriously, you should check them out.  Go ahead, go listen.

Now lemme tell you a little secret...that lead singer?  Who also plays the rhythm guitar?

Oh yeah, he's also my fiancé.

[A girl can brag sometimes, right?]

And if you're interested, they're probably, most likely, almost completely certainly going to have a show or two in the Phoenix area sometime this month.  And they love fans, let me tell you.  [And a couple of them are still single.  But I didn't tell you that.]

p.s. "She's Letting Me Go" and "As She Moves" are two of my favorites on their site.  But they have some stellar ones that aren't even up yet.

p.p.s. You can thank me later.  [Or now.  Whichever you prefer.]