you're gonna miss this

Ever since I was a little girl, bad things have happened to me when I don't get enough sleep.

I get tired.  [#obviously]

I get emotional.

I get sick to my stomach.

And sometimes just sick in general.

Then puberty hit and you can imagine what happened.  [#magnifiedby1,000]

And if I'm at all stressed, everything is magnified once again by 2,567.

Keep all of those factors in mind whilst I tell you:

I had a nervous breakdown of sorts yesterday.

I was tired, emotional, sick to my stomach, and feeling the beginning symptoms of a cold.  Then I found out that we wouldn't be able to move into our apartment until August 5th.  [Oh yeah, you know.  The same August 5th as our wedding day.]  That was the straw that broke the camel's back.  [I was tempted to throw in something about a needle and a haystack - e.g., that was the needle from the haystack that broke the camel's back - but I'm pretty sure that's a completely different metaphor.]  That opened the floodgates which I have had trouble closing ever since.

I felt totally overwhelmed, which I am completely positive came across through our cell phones.  Tim tried to calm me down, reassuring me that even if we didn't know how things were going to work out, that they would work out.

Later that day, Tim came over to my house to pick me up so we could buy some ingredients for dinner.  He explained to me that he had called his family and [with all of their help] figured out a way to make our apartment/moving situation work.  [Did I mention that we'll be living in a month-to-month apartment while we continue looking for a house?  Oh.  Well.  We will.]  Then he started telling me about a country song he heard on the radio about how eventually you're going to miss the situation you're in now.  I knew immediately which song he was referring to.

You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days

Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this

As I thought about the familiar lyrics, I remembered how willing Tim's family had been to help us move.  I remembered the bridal shower my sweet coworkers had thrown earlier that day and how generous every one had been.  I remembered my bachelorette party and all of my sweet friends there.  I remembered how much work my family and friends are doing to prepare for our wedding.  I remembered Tim and his constant willingness to do whatever he can to make sure I'm not stressed.

And suddenly I felt very selfish.

Then I thought, "You probably really are going to miss all of this."

It was one of those proverbial slap-in-the-face moments.

That realization hasn't fixed everything.  I still feel totally overwhelmed.  I still feel emotional.  I still feel tired.  And I still feel a little sick.

But I am trying to enjoy the moment.  And I'm trying to be less selfish.

Because you know what?  These are some good times and I really am gonna miss this.

And heck, I get to marry my best friend in 8 days.

I am so very blessed.