"i quit"

I just did something crazy and totally unKatie-like.

I dropped out of graduate school.

And it felt great.

A little over a year ago, I applied to my program.  I thought I had wanted to be a counselor since I was about 16, so it seemed like a good idea.  But honestly, I had my doubts about if it was really what I wanted to do.

A couple of months went by, and I thought that maybe I hadn't gotten in.  And suddenly, I was devastated.  I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and what seemed like my only option appeared to have vanished.

But, alas, I did get in the program, after all.

And I stepped off the plane from our honeymoon feeling completely hopeful about the experience.

Then school actually started.

And even though it was the hardest thing I have ever done, I could have handled that and more if I'd actually enjoyed what I was learning.  But the further I got into the program, the more I doubted my choice.  I liked it less and less every day.

I passed the first semester with flying colors [albeit an abnormal amount of tears].  And the euphoria from the highest GPA I've ever gotten in my entire life was enough to get me to sign up for the next semester.

Two weeks after the semester started, however, the euphoria wore off and I realized my mistake.  I didn't like what I was learning.  And even worse, I was getting more sure by the minute that I didn't want to be a counselor.

It was too late to drop without serious financial consequences, so I decided to try waiting until the end of the semester.  But I was miserable.  It's never taken so much work and effort for me to be happy every day.

Which is what lead me to the decision to drop out after the 60% deadline [where I would still have to pay back my loans, but I wouldn't have to pay them all back right away].  And even though it took an insane amount of debating with myself, an incredible amount of talking with Tim about it, and a badly-needed amount of prayer to make this decision, once I'd made it and taken steps in that direction, all of my agonizing and heartache about the whole situation were simply gone.

And now?  I don't regret the last semester and a half at all.  If I'd never tried it, I'd have always wondered if maybe, just maybe, I would have wanted to be a counselor.  And now I know.

And who the heck knows?  Maybe five, ten, fifteen, twenty years from now, I'll want to go back to school for something similar.  Or maybe I won't.  Maybe I'll want to go back for something different.  Or maybe I'll be content enough with wherever I'm at to never go back to school.

I'm ok with all of those options.  Because I'm ok with where I'm at now.  [In fact, comparatively speaking, I feel ecstatic.  Although I will miss the amazing people I met along the way.  That is for sure.]

For now, I'll just see where life takes me and enjoy the [crazy, unexpected, exciting, never-a-dull moment] ride.

And so, in the words of the Herman Cain: Bad Lip Reading video, "I'm gonna teach you an expression. 'I quit.'"

Or, if you're a big fan of That Thing You Do [like I am]:

yesterday was the kind of day

...that makes you want to crawl in a hole and hibernate for about a year.

...that makes you question yourself about every five minutes.

...that makes you wish your parents lived closer so your mom could give you a hug.

But it was also the kind of day...

...that makes you grateful to have a sweet husband who gives amazing hugs.

...that makes you grateful that you don't have homework due the next day so you can vedge out on the couch for awhile watching something brainless on tv.

...that makes you grateful that you have some much-needed brownie mix hiding in your cupboards.

via

...that makes you grateful that even though you don't have the needed vegetable oil for said brownie mix, you can improvise and still have them turn out great.  [However crumbly they may be.]

...that makes you grateful that you still have leftovers from Saturday so you don't have to cook anything for dinner.

...that makes you grateful to be going out of town this weekend.

...that makes you grateful for Priesthood blessings to remind you that you are a child of God.

...that makes you grateful for quotes like this:

"Finish each day and be done with it.  You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can.  Tomorrow is a new day."  -Ralph Waldo Emerson

And so it is.

lack of motivation

Would you like to know why I haven't been writing very much lately?

Maybe you don't care and are going to quit reading my blog immediately.
Maybe you are a stalker and care entirely too much.
Maybe you are a blog stalker, in which case, it's ok.  [I do it, too.]
Maybe you are a friend and actually care about my life [but in a non-pathological way].

Well, enemies, creepers, blog stalkers, and friends...

...there is actually no good reason that I haven't been writing lately.

School stopped, and therefore, so did my brain.  And my drive.  [If I ever really had any to begin with.]

But, in case you were wondering, I got the highest GPA I've ever had in my life this semester.

What the.  How did that happen?

Also, Tim and I sang at a wedding this last weekend.  Actually, to be more specific, we sang during their ceremony.  Because Samara is my friend and my coworker, and because it was their wedding [no big deal], we were more than a little stressed.  We wanted it to be perfect for them.

And it really was.

Everything was so beautiful, and I'm pretty sure there wasn't a single dry eye as they both cried through their vows.  Talk about touching.

Don't they look perfect?  [And there we are, chillin' in the background.]

[I stole borrowed this picture off Samara's facebook.  I hope nobody gets offended.]

Speaking of weddings, I just wanted to show you this:

And this:

Ok, fine, and this, too:

Ah yes.

Being married is the best.

I get all teary-eyed just thinking about how lucky I got.

Ok kids, I'll see you when and if my drive comes back again.

In the meantime, Happy-Five-Days-Until-Christmas!

[Again, nobody sells signs that say that.  I am definitely starting my own product line.]