the semester slump

I am in an end-of-the-semester slump.

The strange part?  I am actually starting to enjoy my classes.  [You know, minus all the stress and whatnot.]

But I am encountering an all-too-familiar problem in the form of sleep deprivation.

Every morning, my alarm goes off.

Every morning, I reset it for 10 minutes later.

Every morning, I reset it again for 10 minutes later.

2,346 times.

At the beginning of the semester, I was always perfectly on time.  Then mid-semester hit and I was two or three minutes late every day.

Now I'm lucky if I make it at all. 

And if I do make it, you'll probably see me strolling in about 30 minutes late or so.  [But give me a break, my classes are all 3 hours long this semester.]

Does this happen to anyone else?

And now I have a completely unrelated question:

For anyone who has ever had to change their name...was it as daunting a process as I'm making it out to be?  I haven't even tried, because I read about what I have to do online and get way too intimidated.  So...I'm still using my maiden name.  But I would really like to be using my married name.

Any helpful tips?

uncertainty

[Disclaimer: This is the post where I tell way too much personal stuff about myself and make y'all uncomfortable.]

This semester so far has been a struggle for me.  [<--- Understatement.]

And the reason it's been a struggle all comes down to one word:

Anxiety.

Mmm hmm.  Kind of ironic, considering I'm studying counseling, eh?

I've struggled with mild to moderate anxiety ever since I can remember.  [And believe me, I've tried to forget that time I was in swimming lessons for the first time and threw up in the pool because I was so nervous.]

And now it's reached a low point.  [Or a high point.  Whichever way you choose to see it.]

I've given this a lot - and I mean a lot - of thought.  Because even though I graduated with two undergraduate degrees in four years, this is approximately 10,000 times more work.  It's not really harder, but it is more work.  But it would be totally worth it, if it was what I really wanted to do, right?

And that's where my problem comes in - my uncertainty about the program.  My uncertainty about what I really even want to do with my career.  [I realize this is sounding a bit like a mid-life crisis, but I promise I haven't dyed my hair or bought an entirely-too-expensive sports car yet.]

This uncertainty is exacerbating my anxiety to ridiculous proportions.  Like, sometimes-debilitating proportions.  [Just ask my very sweet husband.]

I pray about it all the time.  And I know He will answer me, but sometimes it's in His time, not mine.  And that's ok, because at least I know that He still cares.  In fact, I have a feeling He's way more involved than I realize.

The truth is, there really isn't a point to all of this other than to throw it out into the void and hope that maybe somebody has been through something similar.  Or in the hopes that maybe it will help someone know that they're not alone.

Because for now, it's not fun.

But I know someday it will all make sense.

[Feeling awkward yet? ;)]

getting out of my own head

I know, I know...I haven't been around for a few days.

One word: school.

Oh yes.  It's true.  The monster hath overtaken me.

But not today.

Today I'm going to give a shout-out to KAST - aka Katie's Arizona Service Team.

Now I know what you're thinking, but it's a different Katie.  [A different, old roommate, best friend kind of Katie.]  She started this group because, let me tell you, the girl loves service.  And sometimes service is easier to do in groups.

A couple weeks ago, Tim and I went to an event for KAST called "Feed My Starving Children."  We've been before and it is a magical experience.  [Not to mention the fact that a little more than a year ago, it's kinda how our romance started.  But.  More on that later.]

There is loud, fun music, dancing, and enthusiastic people.  And by the end of the night, we ended up helping to feed 24 starving children for an entire year.  [Nothing like that to give you the warm fuzzies.]

And here is Tim's sister and her new fiancé [whaaat!]:

We get to wear those cool little hairnets to make sure the kiddos don't get any hair in their food. Because that would be gross. For reals.

And last Friday, we got to go to the Child Crisis Center, where Tim teaches little kids how to play the guitar.  [And oh, how they love him.]  He also started a service organization called Strings for Life.  [I like to surround myself with amazing people, apparently.]

And throughout both of these recent experiences I noticed a common factor:

I never feel like doing it beforehand.

I feel too busy, too worn out, too stressed, and too grumpy.

But afterwards?  I'm always so glad I did.

It's an amazing thing, but it gives me more energy, takes away my stress, and makes me just a little more cheerful.

Thank goodness for such amazing people and opportunities which allow me to get out of my own head for awhile.

[third]-day-of-school pictures?

I am shamefaced.

I never showed you Tim's and my first-day-of-school pictures.  And now we've been in school for a month.

I've never been so embarrassed.

[Ok that is a lie.]

[Confession: my mom never took first-day-of-school pictures.  So this was actually a first for me, I think.  And it was the most monumental event of my life.]

[Next confession: I don't actually think this was even the very first day.  It might have been the second.  Or even the third.]

Tim dropping me off at school.  [I'm pretty sure he made that same face on his first-day-of-school picture when he was a five-year-old.  We'll have to ask his mother.]

And what a marvelous first second third day it was.

[Also a lie.]

But, alas, the semester is progressing nicely, and I attribute this fully to the fact that we took first second third-day-of-school pictures.

[But if the semester goes south, I will never take third-day-of-school pictures ever again.]

brain fag

I just found the definition to a phrase I never knew existed - until tonight, that is.

The phrase?

Brain fag.

Now I know what you're thinking.  [And, ok, I did originally enjoy that phrase because of my immaturity.]

But hear me out, kids.

This comes straight from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision [also known as the DSM-IV-TR] cultural section.  Legit, right?

Ok, are you ready for the definition?

A term used initially in West Africa to refer to a condition experienced by high school or university students in response to the challenges of schooling.  Symptoms include difficulties in concentrating, remembering, and thinking.  Students often state that their brains are "fatigued."  Additional somatic symptoms are usually centered around the head and neck and include pain, pressure or tightness, blurring of vision, heat, or burning.  "Brain tiredness" or fatigue from "too much thinking" is an idiom of distress in many cultures, and resulting syndromes can resemble certain Anxiety, Depressive, and Somatoform Disorders.

Sound familiar?

Um, chya.

Haven't all college students experienced at least 90% of those things?

And now we have a phrase for it: brain fag.

Don't you feel better now that your brain fatigue is legit?

I know I do.

[And now it's back to studying.  But it's ok, because I like this section.]