friend flashbacks

I had a really good group of friends in high school.

Like, really really good.

And then they all moved away to attend BYU.  Where I saw them all like twice a year.  [If I was lucky.]  [But I'm not bitter.]

Now that we live in Utah, however, I get to see them more often.  In theory, anyway.  But I really did get to see some of them last week.  The first time was last Wednesday when Ellie and I drove down to West Jordan to meet up with Ashley and Cait and their cute sons at Cafe Rio.

I already knew I missed them, but I missed them even more after it was all done.  And it's so fun - and crazy - that we all have babies now!  I wonder what we would have thought if we'd caught a glimpse of that moment seven years ago.

And the second time was when we went to Jeremy's wedding reception.  Tim and I picked up my friend, Jeff, beforehand, but unfortunately his wife was working that night so I couldn't meet her!  Then we all headed over to Jeremy's reception, where we saw Jeremy, his new wife, and his whole family.  I love them all!  And Jeremy and Alhy look so happy together.

I tried to take a picture of them cutting their cake, but it didn't work out so well.  See for yourself:

I'm an amateur, remember?  Don't judge me.

And, of course, I have to post a picture of my little posing princess:

After the reception, we took Jeff home so he could study [Mr. Smartypants Accountant], and drove over to see Cait again - this time with her husband, TJ!

It was so fun.  All of it.

And now I want to see them all again.

I guess it's a good thing we live in Utah.

[But don't quote me on that.]

that time Panda Express reprimanded us for bad parenting

Well, ok.  It's not exactly like it sounds.

"Let me explain.  No, there is too much.  Let me sum up."

About a month ago, Tim and I decided to go on our very first date since the birth of our precious baby girl.  Tim was a nervous wreck.  I was totally comfortable.  After all, Tim's brother and his wife would be watching her.  And they are only the sweetest, most responsible people in the universe.  And we would only be gone for a couple of hours.  And Ellie probably wouldn't even notice we were gone.  Piece of cake.

Or so I thought.

When we arrived at their house, Ellie started crying almost instantly.  And then she had a massive blowout.  And then she started crying harder.  And then I tried to comfort her and couldn't.  And it was then that I realized...this was going to be a lot harder than I'd thought.  Despite totally trusting Jeremy and Ali, my heart felt heavy with guilt at the thought of leaving our baby girl.  Eventually, they convinced us to go.  They'd dealt with crying babies before.  They would text us with updates and send us pictures, and she would be absolutely fine.

I told them approximately 97 times to call if she became inconsolable, already planning to replace Tim as the designated driver and drive at the speed of light to her side if necessary.  Even after they texted us and told us that she'd stopped crying two minutes after we'd left their house, I reminded them again that they could call us at any time.

As Tim became more and more comfortable, I became more and more anxious.  Finally we arrived at Panda Express. We'd decided to eat somewhere where we could leave quickly if we needed to.  I took several minutes in the [very long] line to consciously calm myself down.  I even made Tim take pictures with me to document this momentous occasion.

Ali texted me a picture of a calm and happy Ellie.

Everything was looking up.  I could feel the knots in my stomach start to loosen.  But as Tim opened his fortune, the universe decided to deal me a solid punch to the gut.

"Time once lost can never be regained."

Welcome aboard the ever-popular Guilt Trip, hosted by Panda Express.  Amenities include self-pity and self-loathing.  A guaranteed bad time.

It took the remainder of the meal for Tim to convince me that it was not necessary for us to immediately return to our daughter in a vain attempt to regain lost time.

We headed over to the Logan mall to find a birthday present for me, but instead we ended up finding two dress shirts for Tim.  [$15 each at JCPenney.  Holla!]  My decision-making skills had apparently been depleted for the night, and thus, I decided to do some online shopping at home.  But not before making Tim take more pictures with me.

Naturally, I made him take like 10 pictures of me with the very definite goal of hiding my post-baby gut, and then ended up using the first picture he took anyway.  Go figure.

We returned to Jeremy and Ali's to find a sleepy and obviously very relaxed baby.  I finally calmed down and realized that perhaps we weren't such terrible parents after all.

Thank you for choosing the Guilt Trip, where all your worst nightmares come true.  Hope you had a terrible time!

"birthday" pictures

A few short hours before the end of Ellie's one month birthday, I decided that I was going to take pictures each month to document how much she was changing.  Official birthday pictures, that is.  Because, naturally, I take way more pictures than is probably necessary on a daily basis.  But I decided that "official" monthly pictures would also be necessary.  Because, you know...that's just how this sometimes-irrational mom thing works.

Quite obviously, I am not a professional photographer.  And I do not have a professional camera.  In fact, my camera is called the Kodak EasyShare if that gives you any indication of just how amateur I really am.  But let's just take a second and pretend, shall we?  After all, when you have such a photogenic subject...

I never posted her one month pictures, so here they are:

And here are her two month pictures:

I realized after I was done taking pictures that the bow was in the middle of her forehead.  I guess I was too preoccupied by the gigantic smile on her face to notice.

She smiled at me for the first time on March 21st, but after that, she would only smile occasionally.  Now she smiles all the time.  And she "talks" to us all the time.  Which means my heart feels like it's shooting sunbeams all the time.  It never gets old.

We have her two month appointment this week and I think I am going to feel worse than she will after the shots are finished.  I used to think moms were so silly for saying that kind of thing, but now I totally get it.  I am already getting anxiety about the whole ordeal.  My plan for after they are finished is just to rock her the entire day.

On an unrelated note, the weather is finally warming up here.  It's in the 70s, my friends.  Which means that this Arizona girl is finally starting to feel more at home.

More details on the house and some thoughts on motherhood to come later!

road trippin' with a newborn

Last weekend, Tim and I took a roadtrip out to California...

...with our seven-week-old.

You may hold your applause.

Actually, on second thought, don't.  Clap away, my friends.

I know people do that kind of thing all the time, but we felt like fearless warriors, about to embark on a journey filled with unexpected adventures, danger, and intrigue.  Because, I'll be honest, going anywhere in public with her has felt like that since day one.  And taking a twelve-hour roadtrip with her was like that...but on steroids.  [You know, not to mention the fact that a twelve hour trip by yourselves is like a one hundred hour trip with a newborn.]

But we lived to tell the tale!  And, truth be told, Ellie was an angel.  Behold:

Our sweet cherub.

Naturally, she had a few cranky moments, and one unnaturally large blowout, but most of the time she was either sleeping or smiling and "talking."  And any time she did start crying, Tim would just play the "water sounds" app on his phone and it would calm her right down.  Seriously.  Immediately.  I wonder how long that will last.  One can only hope for forever.

But really.  Let's talk about that blowout.  Let's just say that it got all over my nursing cover, my pants, the seat, and the floor of our car.  And then it took like another 20 minutes to clean her off, not to mention me and our car.  Tim says that he's going to tell all of her first dates about this experience, and, depending on the suitor, I may or may not stop him.

It was amazing to see my grandma and my aunt.  It's crazy to think that my grandma is now a great-grandma.  She's not old enough for that!  And I don't think Ellie ever wanted to leave.  I'm not sure she was put down the entire time we were there.  And my aunt spoiled her with clothes like there was no tomorrow.  Which is exactly what she did with me.  [What she still does with me, actually.]

On the way back, we even putted around St. George for a few hours and stopped by Cove Fort.  It was so fun.  Everything we did felt like an absolute adventure.

We are approximately 101% more brave about taking her places since this trip.  It's awesome.  We have adventures with her pretty much every day.  I'm still not sure I feel 101% more confident taking her places by myself, but hey, we're making progress.

Oh and hey, p.s. Ellie is two months old today.  Can you believe it?  She gets cuter and cuter by the day.  Which sounds cliche, but it actually isn't.  Pictures to come!

p.p.s.  We are under contract to buy a house!  We are not old and/or mature enough for this, but somehow it's happening!  Details to come.

p^3.s.  Pictures and details to come...someday.  Is her 10th birthday too late?

p^4.s.  Just kidding.  Kind of.

until i become supermom

Blogging is really hard when you're a new mom.

At least...it is for me.

Seriously.  Is this just me?

When I'm not holding her or sleeping, I usually want to do something crazy like...oh I don't know...laundry or dishes or something.  I know.  I know.  I'm a daredevil.

My sweet baby has been keeping a really fun schedule lately where she finally falls asleep at 3am and then wakes up off and on to eat until 12:00pm.  Which means I feel incredibly accomplished if I have showered by 2pm.  Because...you know...it rarely happens.  Most of the time, my goal is just to have showered by the time Tim gets home.  And for the rest of the day, Ellie and I just hang out and sing songs and dance around the living room.

It's a good time.

And since I haven't perfected the art of typing with one hand, I rarely comment on any of your blogs anymore.  But I promise I read them.  You know...when I'm not holding her...or sleeping...

Ok, let's get real.  There's actually very little sleeping involved.

But if I could, I would write all about how Ellie's smiles make my heart melt.  Or about how she's started occasionally saying words like "goo" and I couldn't be prouder.  Or about how Tim's parents drove all the way up to Utah for a surprise visit so they could meet Ellie for the first time and I almost cried with happiness.  Or about how we tried to go to a later church service on Easter because Ellie kept us up most of the night and ended up accidentally missing it altogether.

That was depressing.

But I guess at least we got some pictures in our Easter finest?  [Even if our daughter always looks less than impressed.]

Thank you, Tripod.

I love my baby.  I love my husband.  I love my family.  I love my life.

And in case I can't post again soon, I hope you're all having a fantastic week in this beautiful spring weather!

that time i rambled about my baby

Well, it's official.

I am obsessed with my baby.

[But from the looks of that last picture, she is clearly not as obsessed with me.]

It's so fun to hang out with my little girl all day.  We don't really get much done, other than sleeping and eating.  But let's be honest - we probably both prefer it that way anyway.  I know she does, at least.

Here's a little list of things Ellie currently enjoys:

• Eating.
• Sleeping.
• Being held.  All the time.
• Her swing.  Some of the time.
• Being sung to.
• Holding onto our fingers.
• Going for rides in the car.
• Crying as soon as mommy tries to eat.  [I think she's putting me on a diet.  Smart girl.]
• Dancing with daddy.

My heart radiates sunshine every time I hear her little sneezes or hear her little cry or see her little yawn.  And for the past couple of nights, she's even been sleeping for four hours at a time, which makes my heart radiate sunshine to the nth power.  [Let's just both take a moment here to knock on wood and hope that she keeps this miraculous schedule up!]

Well, kids, it was nice talking to you.  She just woke up from her nap.  And I missed her.

Until next time!

ellie's birth story: part 4

Surprise!  Bet you didn’t guess there would be a Part 4.  But I felt like the story wasn’t quite done yet, and there were some things I wanted to remember.  Read Part1, Part 2, and Part 3.

A few hours later, a nurse and a CNA came back to help me go to the bathroom for the first time.  My left leg was fine, but for some reason my right leg was still completely numb.  They told me to stand up slowly and lock my knees to make it less likely for me to faint.  I did the best I could, but it was difficult, to say the least.

They gave me some instructions about what to do, and when I was finished, they helped me into a very large pad, which looked eerily similar to a diaper.

You guys.  I won’t go into detail, but the next few hours brought the most bleeding and the most pain I’ve ever experienced.  I’m sure it’s not this way with everyone, but it was worse than labor for me.  Every time I walked, every time I moved, I was in an immense amount of pain.  And it stayed that way for the better part of ten days.  No one ever warned me about that part.  I mean, I realize that it involves a fair amount of common sense, but really.  I feel like someone could have said something.  Or maybe they did and I just wasn’t paying attention.  Also likely.

But the upside of all of that is that it was made a thousand times easier by a simple glance at our new daughter.  My in-laws, Jeremy and Ali, came for a much-needed visit, and they even brought Thin Mints, Twix, and flowers.  Best in-laws ever.  And late that night, we watched the season premiere of Psych.  But to be honest, I was a little distracted by holding baby Ellie and marveling at how perfect she was.

She didn’t leave our room until that night, when we had them take her into the nursery so we could try to get some sleep before we went home.  It didn’t work.  Well, I guess it worked for Tim, but I think I got about 45 minutes of sleep total that night, between Ellie coming in for feedings and nurses coming in to check how I was doing.  The funny part is, as much as I don’t do well on little sleep, I really didn’t mind.  I just wanted to see her.

The next day was full of paperwork, more instructions from the nurses, and a visit from Ellie’s doctor.  I’d been able to take a shower the night before, and I took another one that day as well.  In our downtime, we snuggled with our baby, and since Tim liked to hog her, I even had some time to “get ready” for the day.

They told us that our insurance would allow us to stay for another day, but by the end, we were both ready to go home with our new daughter.  And my mom was coming in that afternoon, which made me even more eager to get home.  We strapped Ellie into her carseat, which made her look even tinier than her 6 pound, 9 ounce frame, and the CNA walked us out to the car.

I rode in the back with Ellie, and she slept the entire way home.  I switched between staring at her and out the car windows.  In the brief time we’d been in the hospital, the sun had come out and melted a good percentage of the snow.  I smiled.

Whether or not it was really spring, my spring had finally come.